A monologue for two
By Leon Agulansky
Synopsis
After undergoing a series of grueling gender-affirming surgeries to transition to female, he turns to his former self, trying to understand how and why it all happened.
Cast: HE and SHE have to be of approximately the same height and age.
The action may take place in any country and season.
Running time 90 min
WoMan
A monologue for two
By Leon Agulansky
CHARACTERS:
HE — a 35-40 year old man.
SHE — a beautiful, sexy, slim, well-groomed woman with long hair.
(HE and SHE have to be of approximately the same height and age).
The action may take place in any country and season.
Scene One
Obscureness. A loud finger snap causes dim light to turn on. SHE is looking in an imaginary mirror at the front ground, facing the audience. Having studied her face, SHE puts on lipstick, applies cheek colors, mascaras her eyelashes.
HE comes in. He is slowly approaching her, checking her out, having his head tilted a bit with a cynic smile on. Having come closer behind her, he snaps his fingers. The finger snap is as loud as the last one. The light brightens up. SHE shudders, squeezing her eyes for a moment. SHE goes through unconceivable feelings full of fear and loathing at the time of seeing him. HE is probably the worst person to have a conversation with now. SHE looks around, seeing him behind herself, she sees no way to run, realizing the inevitability of the discourse. SHE helplessly nods, dulling her eyesight. HE stands by her, looking in her face, smirking sadistically, he wags, implying something like: «What did I tell you! Now you understand!»
HE and SHE are looking into the audience, like in the mirror.
HE.
You’re handsome!
SHE burns him with a hateful look.
HE (CONT’D).
No, seriously, you’re handsome and I’m not flirting at all.
SHE just sniffs disdain at him and shakes her head.
HE.
Don’t you believe me? I swear, I wanted to sleep with you…
HE throws his arm around her waist, trying to tempt her. She squeamishly pushes him away. They keep staring in the mirror.
SHE (cynically).
Sleep? With you?!
HE.
Yeap.
SHE (sadly).
It’s so funny. I’m laughing out loud.
HE.
You wanna keep on pushing me that here’s no way it can happen?
SHE.
You are always out of season.
HE.
It can happen, it can.
SHE.
You’re not only a douchebag, you’re also an idiot.
HE.
Oh, come on, you shouldn’t’ve said that. Don’t get me started on you.
SHE is odiously studying him head-to-toe. He is inquiringly and cynically throwing his hands out.
SHE.
It’s good that you’re gone.
HE.
You wish?
SHE (swallowing back her tears).
It’s not in your business.
HE.
Really?
SHE (saying louder and louder, turning it into screaming).
You’re gone! You’re gone! Gone! Goooone! (Quietly.) You hear?
HE.
I’m gone, but I can hear you. I’m gone, but I can see. I’m gone, but I can feel. I’m gone, but I remember.
SHE.
You haven’t gone through even a bit of what I’ve been gone through.
HE (mimicking her).
You haven’t gone through even a bit of what I’ve gone through. Maybe, let’s cut the boulshit? We can’t hide anything from each other. (To himself.) From each other… (After a brief pause.) Hey, come on! It’s a sweet venom. It’s intoxicating, charming. We are ready to suffer for it, so we do. But you and I are a completely different case.
SHE.
A medical case?
HE.
Your hatred for me leads to nothing as well as your infertile life.
SHE.
What do you want man?
HE.
Let’s suffer together.
SHE.
I can’t stand “you” any more!
HE.
Let us ease the pain by sharing it.
SHE.
You’re right, because my life is too short to bare so much pain.
HE (irritated).
Fine. Let’s hate’n’suffer! Suffer’n’hate! Maybe, you’ll feel any better!
SHE.
The pain is too heavy to be cured by hatred.
HE (mimicking her).
Too heavy! (After short pause.) Neither hatred nor love can be measured. I made you…
SHE (interrupting him by a cynical gaze at him).
Me?
HE. (CONT’D)
A model! Body, stature, pace! You can be the beauty of any gentleman…
SHE.
What do you need, peace and mercy?
HE (to himself).
There you go! (Louder.) Regarding children… Childbirth is not cool any more. To let’em suffer like us? Why are you not saying anything? We perceive ourselves through our communication with others. We are nothing without communication. Say something! (After short pause.) I will never be gone. Don’t even look forward to it. And what about the pain? There’s no relief without pain. We WILL be happy, I promise. Don’t ignore and don’t blame me. (Quietly, trustworthy.) You know what… I thought you’d be different, you exceeded all my expectations. A different woman.
HE rushes towards her. SHE breaks down the imaginary mirror with her hand. We HEAR the clink of falling glass pieces. SHE picks up a piece of the broken mirror off the floor. First, she threatens him, but HE laughs and rushes toward her again. She presses a mirror piece against her hand vein. HE stops in hesitation. HE is cooling down. SHE throws out the mirror piece onto the floor.
(A Pause.)
HE.
You know, we had everything.
SHE looks inquiringly at him.
HE (CONT’D). (Irritated.)
Don’t you remember? You forgot? Forgooot! (Speaking louder, than screaming.) What about kisses that were growing into sensual biting? And passionate hugs? Moans of desire?
HE is approaching her, grabbing her by the hair and pulling her head back.
HE (CONT’D).
Who was howling floating on air!
HE kisses her. SHE gets out of his hug. Pause.
SHE.
It all happened in our minds.
HE (in triumph).
All of it was… (Quieter.) In our minds. You can’t erase it. Do you prefer the filthy reality over the gorgeous life of memories?
SHE.
You can laugh now, but the worst is still coming.
The music (can be Tango). HE and SHE are dancing. Their moves express a huge desire to become one. Something invisible prevents them from touching each other, like a butterfly, that is trying to touch the light bulb and hits the lamp shade. The music goes quiet. HE and SHE end up standing back to back, sidling toward the audience.
HE.
You said: the worst is coming?
SHE.
I look forward, and you look…back.
HE.
How can one live with such expectations?
SHE.
We have a choice.
HE (louder with the course of speech).
Why are you torturing me? I’d be glad, but it’s impossible to get revenge on me. Praying for forgiveness is stupid. I so wanted, I was sure…I’ve been dreaming about you days and nights. (Quieter.) When my passion exceeded the borders of my heart, I wanted… (After brief pause.) It’s true. There’s always a choice.
SHE.
Are you afraid?
HE.
I seem to have gone, — you said that. (After short pause.) Tell me, why now? Now…
SHE (interrupting).
When did you get there?
HE.
There’s no way back.
HE turns to face her and makes one step back to have a better view of her.
HE (CONT’D).
Stop! I know! You are something… Oh, how did I not figure it out? I had nobody to share it with. Got it? Sure, with nobody. No one is dearer than I…
SHE.
You’re no one for me.
HE.
Hey! Hold on! We both KNOW OUR SECRET…
HE is walking away.
HE (CONT’D).
You are me, but I’m already gone.
HE snaps his fingers to turn the lights off.
Scene Two
HE and SHE are like on different sides of the mirror. She is putting lipstick on, coloring her cheeks, putting on mascara. HE, like her reflection, is copying her moves.
HE.
Whom are we preening feathers for?
SHE.
For myself.
He nods approvingly.
HE.
Ok.
She finishes putting on the make-up.
SHE.
Enjoy! Moron!
HE.
I-love-you-too.
SHE.
Hey, you, listen…
HE.
What’s up?
SHE.
Help me out.
SHE turns her back to him. HE zips up her dress. Suddenly, HE grabs her neck and starts strangling her. She tries to fight him back at the beginning, but then she calms down and surrenders. HE pushes her away. She kneels down, holding onto her neck.
SHE (quietly).
Forgive me.
HE (indignantly).
For what?
SHE.
That you couldn’t… (After short pause.) Put an end to it.
HE.
No, it’s you who has to forgive me. (After short pause.) For that it’s impossible. (Bluntly.) Forgive me, will you?
SHE (quietly).
No.
HE.
Great, let’s keep torturing each other!
SHE.
We have a solution.
HE.
You didn’t answer. Why…
HE points at everything with his hand (meaning everything around).
HE (CONT’D).
Right now?
SHE.
Now?
HE (shouting).
Yes, yes! Right now! When everything is in the past: anesthesia, pain, edema, bandages! (After a short pause.) All is in the past. Live! Breathe! Love!
SHE.
And I couldn’t believe that women are smarter. But it happened so, that I’ve seen it for myself.
SHE comes over to him and touches his face, saying:
SHE (CONT’D).
Eyes of mine. Please, have a more of a courageous look. And, as usual, you’re messed up in the head.
SHE hits his face with her head. HE falls down, covering his face with hands.
SHE (CONT’D).
No, we’ve changed, we’re different now.
SHE smoothens her hair or tilts her head back.
SHE (CONT’D).
Ok…
SHE stretches her hand out to him.
SHE (CONT’D).
Get up. This talk makes no sense. Knock it off. You don’t feel any pain. All the pain is mine. And your nose can still be operated.
HE gets up on his feet and looks at his hands.
HE.
Yeah, there’s no blood. All the blood is inside of you.
HE slowly walks away.
SHE (quietly).
Wait.
HE freezes in place.
SHE.
We’re too different now. It wasn’t clear to me that it was clear to you.
HE.
Everything is in the past. I am not able to change it. (After short pause.) Forget me. Live, breathe, love.
Further on, HE is recalling, SHE kind of recollects together with him.
HE.
It was a winter evening. I missed my bus. Everybody was gone from that party. And I was standing alone under the window in the freezing and windy weather. (Pause. To HER.) Do you remember his name?
SHE silently nods.
HE (CONT’D).
A regular guy. But his eyes contained that slightly hazardous glitter. He invited me to stay overnight. The heating was lousy. A room — with just one bed…
SHE (comments).
For the two of us.
HE.
I wasn’t drunk. I could expect everything from that night, but… (After a short pause.) And the following morning, I was running away, flaming with shame, fearing not to see him again. (Pause.) He called. (Shouts.) He called!
SHE calms him down with a gesture.
SHE.
I remember. I remember. Don’t scream.
HE.
I was happy with him. (Pause.) He shot himself dead in the army service (with increasing volume.) Both barracks and prison are like a death sentence for guys like us. (Pause.) Success with women wasn’t of any importance any more. On the other hand, we had communication with folks of “our kind”… (After short pause.) There’s everything: love and jealousy, desire, cheating. But how to find those of “our kind”? I learnt to watch out from them in crowds. Just one glance made it all. (Pause.) My social circle kept growing. But I didn’t find the ONE among all of THEM. (Quietly, trustworthy.) There’re so many men around. They are avalanching into the subway, they’re behind the car wheels, the elevators are packed with them. They’re so close, that their perfume smell gets you going!
SHE (cynically).
Got tricked by the smell.
(A Pause.)
HE.
His name was…
SHE (interrupts abruptly).
Robert!
HE looks at HER, surprised. HE tries to focus.
SHE (silently).
Robert. His name was Robert. (After short pause.) He used to have a very short haircuts. Left eye-brow…
HE (interrupts, nodding).
A bit higher. He was quiet. He was a good listener. He always was indifferently courteous. He never let anybody approach him too close.
SHE.
He was modest, but elegant with clothing. He was handsome. (Shrugging her shoulders.) Maybe, handsome.
HE (with increasing volume).
Was he HANDSOME?! (To himself.) Handsome. (After short pause.) He radiated the light of heaven. It took him a short look to get into your heart. The way, the heart could skip a beat. He had an enormous world, attractive and dangerous, where your body blows up to pieces, where thoughts and fantasies know no limits. But the door to that world was locked. (Pause.)
HE (CONT’D).
He got a hang of me right away. He neither had scorned me nor made fun of me. But he just politely said, like: “I’m the wrong man”. (Pause.) But it was just a reason. A reason. (After short pause.) Nature can be mistaken.
SHE.
The nature?
HE.
Lilliput’s, gnomes, bisexuals, conjoined twins, so, what are these people suffering for? What’s this baby’s fault? He’s just been born. Why is he supposed to face despite, offense, humiliation? Only because he is not like us?! (After short pause.) And it’s not for an hour, it’s forever. (Shouts out loud for her.) You hear it? FOREVER!
SHE.
We haven’t reached the necessary age to tell a beauty from an eyesore.
HE.
Oh, an age thing? So, why then a baby smiles to something beautiful and cries in front of an ugly person?
SHE.
I’m not a little baby. Don’t expect me to cry.
HE.
Did you call me ugly?
SHE.
Sincerely enough.
HE.
Nature made a mistake. A cruel mixer combined genes, established them in chains, but it went wrong with sex.
SHE.
So, you say, it’s a mixer’s fault.
HE.
I grew up among girls. I knew all of their tricks and weaknesses. I had long hair. When by myself, I used to braid it.
SHE.
Ear rings and braids can no longer define sex.
HE.
Boys gave me a hard time. But I didn’t mind. I grew up the way I was.
SHE (sighing flabbily).
Then, there was a school fair. You, dressed as a fairy, enslaved hearts of both men and women. And after, that guy from the party. Joining the society of “your kind”. All fine, but Robert came along. He wasn’t of “our kind”. What else to do? It happens.
(A Pause.)
HE.
Yeah, Robert cost me a lot. I couldn’t count on mutual feelings. The despair attracted me to him even more. I looked forward to meeting him. We kind of accidentally bumped into each other at a store, gas station, bar.
SHE.
If I’d been him, I would’ve put you in your place.
HE.
He got a girlfriend. (After a short pause.) Nothing special. Red-haired with white eye-lashes and a thousand yard stare. They kissed on the street and, perhaps, loved each other. (Pause.)
HE (CONT’D).
I was at the brink of “making a decision”, as you call it. But I chose life. (With increasing volume.) Life, in which I’m in charge of my future, soul and body. And I’ll never be rejected for being a man! (Shouts.) Never!
Music. Lights fade out.
Scene Three
HE and SHE sit at the table, imitating a doctor’s visit.
HE (as a doctor).
You understand that there’s no way back?
SHE.
He was talking quietly, avoiding an eye contact. (Irritated.)
Oh, my God! So many fees. Stupid questions, tests, blots on papers. It’s never enough! (Submissively.) Yes, doctor. I know. Don’t worry.
HE (cold-hearted).
I don’t worry. You should worry.
SHE.
I will, if necessary. When is the operation?
HE.
Operation. (After a short pause.) First, we’ve gotta see how you handle women’s hormones. You’ll start taking pills. And half a year from now, we’ll run a couple of tests and then…
SHE.
Half-year? What am I gonna do for six months?
HE (with a scorn that is seen behind the «mask» of indifferent politeness).
Wear some women’s clothes. Start with lingerie. Try to get used to it. But now, If you’ll excuse me. They need me at (meaningfully.) burns unit. (Getting out of character, trustworthy.) Really, he said that?
SHE.
And he also added: to pay for the range of operations and procedures. And it’s not all. I was about to disappear, so you could appear. New name, passport and driver’s license, property registration that will be in possession after “the treatment”, new job, new living area.
(A Pause.)
SHE (CONT’D).
The hormones pushed away any sexual interest. Fever flashings, irritation and blood pressure rushed over. Huge appetite drove me crazy. I was gaining weight every week. And also, (after short pause.) my nature changed — it became feminine.
(A Pause.)
SHE (CONT’D).
I was going to another examination. An ambulance stopped by the entrance. Uptight people wheeled a person out. His body was covered with wires and tubes. A couple of fluid bags were swinging over his head. A device was announcing: “bee-bee-bee”. People in white coats were rushing. All the moves were elegant, precise. I jumped away. The running guy: “Excuse me!” (to herself.) Excuse me. (After a short pause.) I’m in a crying jag. People started to feel sorry for me. They thought — I was the victim’s wife. (After a short pause.) I had such shame. (Shouts.) Yes! Shame! Shame! Shame! Such a great shame to bother THEM at their work. Bother for the sake of my problems. (Pause.) No. Turn and go away forever. (Shouts.) Forever! (Quietly.) Forever. (After short pause.) I don’t remember how I got onto the second floor into the plastic surgery department.
HE (as a doctor).
So, did you change your mind?
SHE.
I was amazed at his indifference. How are your patients at the burns unit?
HE (abruptly).
I would ask you!
SHE.
Sorry. I’ll come next time.
HE (looking at watch).
Maybe, there’’s no point to COME?
SHE (confusedly).
I-I don’t know. I’ve gotta think about it.
HE.
It’s good to think. We’ll cancel the hormones. Everything will stabilize and come back.
SHE (to herself).
Come back. Come back. No. (Shouts.) No-o-o! Please, I’m so sorry! Forgive me! Please! I don’t wanna come back! Forgive me!
SHE cries. Music.
SHE (CONT’D).
The breasts were made first. They implanted prosthesis under my skin. Temporary ones. They added some fluid inside once a week. They needled my skin for it. (Pointing at herself.) Everything hurt like after a car accident. This way, my future breasts grew. As soon as I had enough room under my skin, they inserted the silicone prosthesis.
HE.
From that moment on, there was a reason to wear a bra.
SHE.
Hair got denser. I took off the wig.
HE.
The need for shaving was falling away.
SHE.
First successes added wings. But the main operation was still ahead. My legs felt weak when I arrived at the doctor’s office.
HE (as a doctor).
You look good.
SHE.
Oh, I so wanted to punch him between his eyes.
HE (having looked at her).
More work still needs to be done on your face and voice. The operation is tomorrow, after that, there will be no way back.
SHE.
There’s already no turning back.
HE.
There actually is. (Spreading hands cold-bloodedly.) There is. Remove the silicon, stop taking hormones…
SHE (interrupts).
Get a haircut, grow a beard, change the name back and swap the clothes?
HE (cynically).
We haven’t thrown it out yet.
SHE (abruptly).
It’d better become you.
HE.
It’s a turn of male genital organs into female ones. Such an operation can be a tricky one. It can cause complications.
SHE.
I’ve signed tons of papers.
HE.
Sentence. Without a right for an amnesty.
SHE.
I was afraid of crying off at the very last moment. I feared meeting any casualty at the reception office. (Pause.) I didn’t sleep the night before.
HE.
The night before the execution.
SHE.
I sort of lived through my life all over again: boys, pranks, girls, scorns, parents, moral suasions, my dress for the school fair, that winter evening, he, who rejected my love.
(A Pause.)
HE.
Is that all?
SHE.
Not so much.
HE.
Are you sure that you haven’t forgotten anything?
SHE.
I warn you!
HE (with increasing volume).
Hey! You’re sure? I’d rather double-check it!
SHE (squeezing knuckles).
We’d better keep quiet for now.
HE (cynically, with increasing volume).
You’re calling me for help. And now you have nothing to say? Who are you afraid of? Me? Pranks? Or, maybe, (pointing at the audience.) their hatred leaves us heartless? Believe me, their opinion is absolutely mindless. And all, that’s said or thought about US never makes sense to discuss. But we don’t have any reason to deceive. And an operation on soul shall we again conceive! Yes, it hurts. But we’ll endure. So, are you ready to recall?
SHE (approaching HIM slowly).
You’re stubborn and spunky only with me. Maybe, before another destiny you should’ve bent your knee.
HE (cautiously).
You are my destiny, aren’t you? And now shut up and listen. On that day…
SHE tries to slap his face. HE intercepts her hand. Other hand slap fails as well. SHE tries to hit his tum with a knee.
HE uses his hand to catch her leg under the knee. THEY freeze in this position. WE HEAR heartbeats. HE and SHE dance Argentine tango to the heart rhythm.
Argentine tango, unlike European version, is danced the way both partners tend to keep their upper bodies close to each other, and the lower parts stay apart, producing a fight or disagreement, in other words: upper body stays for love, lower body stays for drama and fight…
MUSIC starts off quietly (Argentine tango track). The couple keeps dancing. The following dialogue/monologue takes place while dancing. This way, partners can turn their faces to the audience without ruining the dance composition.
Lights faded and slowly returned back.
HE.
I was seven.
SHE.
I don’t remember for sure.
HE.
It was raining that night.
SHE.
Thunder shook our house.
HE.
It sated in the morning. You… I had a restless night. I was scared. I didn’t find enough courage to disturb my parents.
SHE.
Day was breaking.
HE.
Having stepped out the door, headed toward the stairs. You remember that house.
SHE.
It was rather empty. The father — a grumbler. Always moody. Only one child — us. Oh, mom… Mom. (After short pause.) She… You remember? Their bedroom door was open. Why? I saw a woman’s body for the first time. A beam of the morning sun passed quickly across her skin. She was looking at the mirror. (After a short pause.) Having thrown her hair back, she sighed. Her breast teetered. Enchanted, I was about to faint.
SHE.
She was beautiful, really beautiful.
HE (with increasing volume).
She?! Was beautiful?! I’ve never met anybody more beautiful than her!
SHE.
Oh, come on.
HE.
You forgot. I’m the only one you can trust.
Musik. They are dancing.
SHE.
She… (she quits speaking.)
HE (interrups).
She saw me…out of the corner of her eye, in the mirror. But she pretended she hadn’t seen me. She kept standing silently until I walked away.
SHE.
So weird.
HE.
I’ve been hating HER since then (after a short pause.) for the beauty and envy that burns my heart. What did the god Almighty reward her for? (Pause.) I was a sickly child.
SHE.
The Almighty does not give us what we want. He gives us what we need.
Music quiets down. The dance comes to an end.
SHE pushes him a way in a rude way.
SHE.
Yes, you!..
HE.
Me or US?
SHE (tentatively).
How can you hate your mother?
HE.
No. I loved her. I did. But hatred and love can get mixed up in a damned cocktail.
SHE.
And you’ve been drinking it all your life.
HE.
Oh, no. (HE proudly points at HER.)
HE.
I’ve got even with her now.
SHE.
You got even? I’m afraid it’s not for a long time. You remember: THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE!
SHE snaps her fingers to put out the light.
Scene Four
HE and SHE stroll hand in hand toward the front stage.
HE.
Wonderful day. Your hair is brighter in the sun.
SHE.
I’m not your mother…
HE.
Our.
SHE.
Let’s save the compliments.
HE.
Look, guys are snapping eyes at you!
SHE.
Thank you. You helped me. I remember. I know the main thing.
HE (having smirked).
No. It’s not given upon us to know the main thing.
THEY stop. THEY turn to each other.
SHE friendly puts her arm on his shoulder.
SHE.
You’re free. How do you say? Live, breathe?
HE (adds).
Love.
SHE (having nodded sadly. After a short pause, grimacing).
Oh, sorry!
HE (playing along with her grimace).
Yeah, what’s happened?
SHE.
I forgot that you’re gone.
HE (cynically).
What a shame!
SHE.
Yes, there used to be a worm…
HE.
Self-critically.
SHE.
Not for long time- cocoon.
HE.
Better.
SHE.
At present — a butterfly (turns around on one foot.), spreads the wings and flies.
HE.
What about the cocoon?
SHE.
It was picked by sparrows.
HE.
Bastards! (after a short pause.) So, it means the end?
SHE (imitating French pronunciation).
Orevuar!
HE.
You are not gonna miss me, aren’t you?
SHE.
I’ll take a pill for it.
HE
Is there anything legal to take for it?
SHE.
Like us – it’s not a sin any more.
HE.
I’m neither a judge nor a prosecutor.
SHE (humiliating).
Ok, Mr. Cocoon, Bye-bye! (as if blowing HIM off the open palm of the hand.)
HE.
All right, good bye. Breathe, live, love. (After a short pause.) Love. (to himself.) Where can I find some sparrows around?
Argentine tango music break takes place. HE is quickly leaving. HE fails to leave.
SHE looks into the audience, around. SHE has fear in her eyes.
SHE (shouts).
Wait!
HE freezes.
SHE.
Don’t go.
HE (to the sparrows, shooing them away).
Shoo! Shoo, god-damned!
HE comes over to her as a victor.
HE.
Ye-es.
SHE (having noticed his triumph, aims a blow at him).
I’m gonna hit you, idiot!
SHE falls into his arms and cries.
HE.
Hey, come on! You’re young and beautiful. Guys line up for you.
SHE (wiping tears off).
They even pile up.
HE.
You’re rather wealthy. You owe me one for selling our house at the right time.
SHE.
I often dream of this thing.
HE.
This thing? (Looking around, points at her genital area.) The one that was cut off?
SHE starts to fool around, running after him. They both laugh.
Having lost breath, they sit together at the front stage.
SHE.
It’s my, our Robert.
HE.
You shouldn’t dream of him.
SHE (to HIM).
So stupid!
HE.
How can you dream of him? He got married to that one with white eyelashes?
SHE (after giving it a thought).
Yeah, indeed. (After a short pause, steadily.) I shouldn’t. But I still do. (Seriously.) He points at me and laughs out loud. Out loud, can you believe it? I, like an idiot, take off my clothes — strutting my stuff. And he is in stitches.
HE.
He’s a weirdo. Such an urge to get married. Give it a wait a little bit and there you go, (pointing at HER.) your happiness.
(A Pause.)
SHE (to herself).
Happiness. (After a short pause.) I was dying of thirst on the operation day.
HE.
You’re dying of fear.
SHE.
I was given a pill. My heart calmed down.
HE.
I only wished to get rid of everything excessive.
SHE.
They told me that it was a twelve hour operation.
HE.
Poor surgeons.
SHE.
Just a second — in my mind.
HE.
Snip and that’s i…
SHE (having nodded).
Ladies. (Pause.) Everything was burning after all, like they never snipped it at all. Nurses wasted all the drugs on me.
HE.
Nothing was left for themselves.
SHE.
I woke up as a WOMAN.
HE (with a shake of the head).
You woke up as a man, a crippled one.
SHE aims to slap him. HE humps shoulders, smiling.
HE (CONT’D).
Crippled a big time.
SHE.
Oh, dear! I got crippled by surgeons, and you — by nature!
HE.
It’s not nature, it’s a circumstances.
SHE.
Exactly! Circumstances. His mother is, if you please, so beautiful that he decided to cut off his thing!
(A Pause.)
HE gets up on his feet.
HE.
Hey, you, listen!
SHE too gets up and looks at him brassily.
SHE.
You have my attention! (To the audience.) I have my attention for myself.
HE (malevolently).
Did they epilate the ear hair?
SHE.
It was shaven.
SHE kicks his groin with a knee.
HE stands like nothing happened. SHE is surprisingly switching her look from his groin to his face.
HE irritatingly gives a wave of the hand.
HE.
No, it doesn’t hurt!
SHE.
Oh, yeah, right?
Lights fade out.
Scene Five
Loud finger snap turns on the lights, spotlighting HIM, standing at the front stage in suit pants and women’s blouse. His face is fixed downwards. Long hair of a wig conceal the face. It is difficult to distinguish HIM from HER. HE holds a hair dryer, having just finished drying hair. HE flips his hair back. WE SEE HIS face. It’s heavily made-up as a woman’s face. HE sort of looks in the mirror, that has the audience behind it. HE wet wipes the makeup off his face, transforming into a man. HE looks worn out.
SHE comes onto the stage. SHE comes over to him from behind to help him take off the blouse, under which, a tight fitting man’s shirt comes into sight. She puts her hands on his shoulders, carefully, giving him a massage. THEY both look in the mirror.
Tango music plays. The music is tragic and cruel. The dance is performed without words. The drama of this scene is transmitted through the body movements, like in ballet.
HE is devastated and disappointed. HE is unable to stand this conflict. SHE is his future and hope. SHE is the most needed person in the world. SHE is near, very close, desiring to touch and even merge together with him. HE is not sure yet that SHE can be trusted. HE avoids and even sends her away. Step by step, SHE convinces HIM in the necessity of making a choice, in the need of turning into HER. They are secret allies at the end of the dance. HE looks at the world with enlightened eyes. Everything has to be all right.
Music gradually fades. The lights turn off with a snap.
Scene Six
HE and SHE sit facing the audience, as if by the window with a view of the sea. WE HEAR the wash and the gull scream.
SHE.
Scarlet sunset. One more day has passed. ONE MORE DAY.
HE.
Tired?
SHE.
We die a bit every day.
HE.
It doesn’t refer to me anymore.
SHE.
I don’t think so. You live inside my mind. You live. Flesh and blood are not life.
HE.
Everything is far more complicated: I am you, but you are no longer me.
SHE.
No longer myself. We’re born every morning just to die at night.
HE.
I used to hate nights, as a kid.
SHE (nods).
Were you afraid of darkness?
HE.
Yes.
SHE (indignantly).
What?!
HE irritatingly throws out his hands.
SHE (CONT’D).
Hey! You can’t lie. It’s impossible. If you lie to me, I’ll go mad.
HE.
I can’t lie to you. We both know that it’s impossible. There is sometimes more difference between two “yes”, than between “yes” and “no”.
SHE.
The moon, my savior, will rise soon. It paves a way for me. I want to step into it, so many times… (after a short pause.) I’m gonna wait for sunrise. Sit down with me.
HE (shouts).
Sun?! What’s the sun doing here? I was crying to my pillow at night as well as howling out of rage.
SHE.
She was staying in the sun light. I remember.
HE (shouts).
Almost every night, I broke into their bedroom to stab him in the back, swimming in a pool of beastly glory and blood.
SHE.
Minor murderer?
HE.
Only in dreams, for good.
SHE.
What was his fault?
HE.
Don’t provoke me, or I don’t know what I’m gonna do to you!
SHE.
I’ve already done it. (After a short pause.) You’ve done it, so don’t leave.
HE.
Are you afraid of dreams?
SHE.
I don’t know who am I gonna wake up as: a man or a woman.
(A Pause.)
SHE.
You loved… (after a short pause.) a woman.
HE contemptuously studies her head-to-toes.
HE.
What can you, women, be loved for?
SHE.
For our weaknesses.
HE.
He is not our father.
SHE.
It doesn’t matter.
HE.
They started a fight. Mother yelled that at his face.
SHE.
You should’ve been given a treatment before, when you were a kid. (Pointing at her curves.) It would’ve been cheaper.
HE.
I was doing that seemed to be right at that moment.
SHE.
I was in a separate ward.
HE.
They could’ve assigned a women ward for you.
SHE.
I didn’t want to see anybody. My hospital room was penetrated by doctors, nurses and students.
HE.
Those don’t count. They don’t look into your eyes, only at papers and bandages.
SHE (to herself).
Only papers and bandages. (Pause.) Once I invited HIM to see me. He came cranky, being taken off the business.
HE (a bit cranky).
Yeah, I remember. Remember.
HE gets into a character of a doctor.
SHE.
He came in and asked.
HE (CONT’D).
What happened?
SHE.
You’re still asking: what happened?!
HE (frostily).
That’s exactly WHAT I’m asking.
SHE.
Did you swear on an Hippocratic Oath?!
HE.
Listen, I have plenty of work to do.
SHE (shouts).
Work?! You call this “work”?! You cripple healthy people! You make them disabled! Who gave you the right?!
HE.
As soon as you get discharged, you can sue me.
SHE.
There’s no court that can bring me back.
HE (cynically).
That’s right. Psychologist will contact you.
SHE (cynically).
Hopefully, he will be young and sexy!
HE.
Are you asking for an injection?
SHE (calmer).
Listen! Come on, listen, YOU! How can you look into people’s eyes after all of it?
HE.
I’m not an eye doctor.
SHE.
What have you done to me?
HE.
The result will be great. Give it some time.
SHE.
Time. (After a short pause.) Time is a healer. I walked up to a mirror yesterday…
HE.
Just yesterday?
SHE.
And I saw a man suffering from pain.
HE.
And what did you want to see?
SHE.
And not just a man. A little one, with an edema instead of the forelock and a vibrator sticking out of the groin.
HE.
It’s a special device. It’s needed up until the vagina is formed.
SHE (quietly, lowly).
Until it’s formed. Until it’s formed. Thanks! Sorry for bothering you in the middle of your important errands.
HE is about to leave. HE makes a step towards upstage. SHE jumps up and opens an imaginary window. City noise bursts into the hospital ward. SHE thrusts herself into the open window. HE embraces her around her waist. HE tumbles her down on the floor. HE picks her up, and then HE (arm) sits her. The city noise is fading out until it disappears completely. Washed out, SHE cries.
HE takes a seat by her.
HE.
The edema will go away as well as the pain. We’ll take care of your face: eyelids go up, angle of the lower chin levels up, cheekbone shrinks down, Adam’s apple is taken out, and vocal cords transformed. But it’s just dribs and drabs. Weэre over the worst. You’d better calm down now. Come on.
HE pulls a syringe out of his pocket. HE gives her a shot in the hand. SHE relaxes, pancaking across the (arm) chair.
HE.
Good girl. There we go.
HE settles her legs into a more comfortable position. HE looks at her. His look is full of hatred, disgust, compassion, regret. Buenas noches.
HE makes a loud finger snap to put out the lights.
Scene Seven
HE and SHE stand near an imaginary window. Some noises of the night-time seashore: quiet wash, ambulance horns grow louder and then go quiet.
HE.
The darkness broke away.
SHE.
Don’t tell me that you’re tired. You’re an offspring of my imagination, you can’t run down.
HE.
It’s still up in the air.
SHE.
Alarms are gonna go off in the houses. People are about to start brushing up teeth, taking showers…
HE (adds).
Shave.
SHE (gives him an outraged glance).
I remember. It’s all programmed.
HE.
They have to work, (hinting at her.) unlike others.
SHE.
They have to. (After a short pause.) They have to wear clothes that match others, eat what everybody does, watch the screen, like the majority of people, think and talk like other folks do. One half attempts to look under the skirts of the other half who, in turns, wants to sneak a peek at pants zippers of the first half. Anybody who stands out should go away, like a sick chick goes off the bird conveyor unit.
HE.
Hey, chick, why would you care? Let them do what they want.
SHE.
They do what they’re supposed to do. It’s not appropriate to want.
HE.
They were created this way by the Almighty. After all, you don’t swear at the badly-made suit. You come down on the tailor. You can’t get mad at the tailor who shapes us too. By the way, it’s a sin to redo his work as well, you’ll be found responsible.
SHE.
What about sleeping with a woman, whom you can’t love, and also, raising children with her, — is that alright?
HE.
We’re buses that transport genes from the site A to the site B. And the genes should be transferred onto the other buses, while in transit.
SHE.
And it goes down the drain at the site B.
HE.
Or it goes off the steep.
SHE.
It’s such a pleasure to talk to a smart person.
HE.
By the way, it doesn’t matter whether it’s she-bus or he-bus. The goal and result are the same.
SHE.
And we have love, desire and delight just for the sake it?
HE (runs around the stage, simulating bus driving).
Beep, beep, beep.
(A Pause.)
SHE.
I was lying on my bed for a long time. And those constant bandages, urethra dilatations. One day, doctor asked…
HE (interrupts).
Do you enjoy sex?
SHE.
That’s true. I was hesitating for a while, though, he allowed to do it. I met some guys, but no…
HE.
It’s better for them.
SHE.
I invited doctor to a romantic dinner together.
HE.
Are you nuts?! Hormone overdose?
SHE.
He was considerate. He was neither offending me nor mocking at me.
HE.
Neither punched you in between your eyes.
SHE.
No way, he operated my nose.
HE.
Anyway, he should’ve.
SEE.
He said…
HE (interrupts).
Dating patients is against my policy.
(A Pause.)
SHE.
It inspired me. Better, than any psychotherapist would’ve said. I made a dive into a gay club for a test drive.
HE (disgustingly).
You were instantly approached by two lesbians. Oh! It was a success!
SHE.
My car died out on my way back. There was no taxi cabs around. Night. Rain.
HE (phlegmatically).
Some kind of kiddo, on an old car, gave you a ride.
SHE.
He smelled of a cheap colon. Greasy hair was pulled into a knot at the back of his head.
(A Pause.)
HE gesticulates for her to proceed, like the most important was ahead.
SHE.
I didn’t really want to.
HE (cynically).
Yees!
SHE.
I wasn’t ready.
HE (grimacing).
It wasn’t really necessary, was it?!
SHE slaps his wrist with a sharp glance. He gesticulates, like, “Ok, ok, easy, my mouth is shut”.
SHE.
He dropped down on me, like he hadn’t been with a woman for a year.
HE (mocking).
A woman.
SHE.
He strangled me with kisses, bit my breasts. My resistance just added fuel to the fire.
HE (mocking).
The ffffire!
(A Pause.)
SHE.
When it happened, I felt like I was born all over again. Colored chandelier, night lamp, clothes all over the room, noise of the wash and cars honking horns outside, — everything was different, new, wonderful, mine! (Pause.) He took off, leaving the door slightly open. I started hysterically crying and laughing at the same time. (Pause.) What could I answer the doctor?
(A Pause.)
SHE.
He called. He asked for one more date. But my passion was too strong to just devote myself to one person.
HE.
The entire world kneeled before you.
SHE.
Half of humanity.
HE.
But the doctor refused.
SHE.
I knew, from you, how to approach a man. I knew, from you, how to win a man, I knew, from you, how please a man in bed. I went hunting every day.
HE.
I returned with a trophy.
SHE.
Oh, yeah! My triumphs were uncountable. They called, begged, swore love and offered support.
HE.
So, are we rich?
SHE.
Rich? Yes, unspeakably rich. I was given a life. New life! Romances, intrigues, cheating that made a colorful and happy party out of my life.
HE.
A thank you kiss — in response?
SHE (after a short pause, amazed).
What?
HE.
A small fee for HAPPINESS.
SHE.
Ok. Go.
SHE invites HIM with a gesture. Disappointed, HE shakes his head. SHE is astonished, but later, SHE understands the reason of that behavior. SHE is about to call him out, keep him back. SHE is hesitant. SHE looks at the audience with eyes full of tears.
SHE (to herself).
It’s not true! I am happy. Happy, happy, happy.
SHE fails to make both audience and herself believe her words. HE comes over to her. HE is about to say something harsh, blaming. But, HE accepts that all it is his fault, standing quietly. Now, HE, himself, needs sympathy.
THEY hug. Music sounds. They start dancing a tragic tango instead of kissing. THEY both snap fingers to put out the lights.
Scene Eight
HE and SHE sit half-naked. It seems like they had a sexual intercourse. SHE tries to light up a cigarette. But her hands are shaking. She fails to smoke. HE looks in the audience, trying to figure out what happened a minute ago.
SHE.
That’s it? Are you happy? You got it your way. You’ve taken revenge upon mom and dad. What’s next?
HE.
Next is site B. But you’ll go there by yourself.
SHE.
No, darling. We go there together. Down the drain — together.
HE.
Or off the steep.
SHE gets up and starts to put clothes on.
HE.
It’s still dark.
SHE.
I’ve a date.
HE.
Young, handsome, slim?
SHE.
Young, handsome, slim. What’s the difference? Someone else will be tomorrow.
HE.
Why?
SHE.
Why?! You’re asking “why?” You, who put me on the operational table!
HE (quietly).
Myself.
SHE.
Ok, never mind. As doctor says: great result. (Makes a knot at the back of the head.) You can be free.
HE.
Free. (After a short pause.) We’re looking for freedom. We need it without even knowing what is it for and why.
SHE.
I’ve gotta go.
HE.
Go, if you have to. You are free. Do what you’ve gotta do.
SHE.
We can’t know what’s right and what’s not! We cannot!
HE.
Trying to justify me?
SHE.
I’m not a judge…
HE (shouts).
And who is…a victim?!
SHE (laughs).
A man is born to suffer. You can’t get to know yourself without it. Impossible!
HE.
A bus doesn’t have to know itself. It only goes.
SHE (leaving).
Close the door.
HE.
I’m not done speaking.
SHE (obnoxiously).
Whaaat?
HE (firmly).
Sit.
SHE.
You know what? You’ll tell your wife what to do. (After a short pause.) in the afterlife.
HE.
There’s no afterlife. The hell exists here and there. It exists inside us, in our mind.
SHE.
I’ve chosen heaven.
HE.
If you keep mocking me, I’ll go away, for sure.
SHE comes back, stands by him, unsure.
SHE.
I’m not afraid of you.
HE laughs sincerely, being not able to stop.
SHE
What do you need from me?
HE.
It is exactly that you need.
SHE.
I don’t need anything. I have what I need.
HE.
Who is waiting for you?
SHE.
Envy?
HE.
I have a heart. (After a short pause.) And I want to help you. I owe you that.
SHE (unsure).
You don’t owe me anything.
HE.
I’ve decided to turn into you not for that. Not for that.
SHE.
Hmm, not for THAT! (Shouts.) And what for?!
HE.
Just be yourself in order to love.
SHE spreads her hands, moves across the stage, not knowing what to say, hardly holding tears back.
HE (CONT’D).
JUST BE YOURSELF.
SHE.
It’s a nonsense! Go with the stream? No! The destiny should be altered…
HE (interrupts).
For the best?
SHE.
What do you know?! What you understand?! After that night…
HE (interrupts, frosty).
The entire world kneeled before you.
SHE.
Exactly!
HE.
We both know it’s a lie.
SHE (meeting his eyes).
A lie?
HE.
We’re not able to change the world.
SHE (abruptly).
How come “not able”?
HE (even more abruptly).
We cannot! You may change clothes, dye hair, remove skin and put on a new one!
SHE gives him a glance full of venom. She shakes her head, hardly controlling her anger.
HE (continues quietly).
We can’t. We only have a single inner world. It’s as endless as the real one, but it’s much better. It’s trustful and vulnerable. And we’re cruel: we don’t accept, see, hear it, and we treat it like dirt. IT can be changed. Changed for the best. And we’re capable of it.
SHE.
It’s too late. The skin’s been removed. The new has been put on.
HE (abruptly).
No, it’s not too late. Don’t pretend not understanding it! We are not blood and flesh. We are all our filings, knows, memories and LOVE! (Pause.) LOVE DOESN’T HAVE GENDER! (Shouts.) LOVE DOESN’T HAVE GENDER!
SHE quietly kneels down, facing the audience.
SHE (very quietly).
What?
HE makes a gesture and face expression to let her know: “What did I tell you! Finally, the penny dropped!”
SHE (quietly).
It’s cruel. It’s monstrous.
HE.
I don’t count on forgiveness.
SHE.
I don’t know what to do. (Louder.)
I don’t know what to do. (Shouts.)
I don’t know what to do!
SHE covers her face with hands, trying to hold back tears.
(A Pause.)
HE.
Do what you think is right to do now.
SHE calms down.
SHE (nodding).
Now. (After a short pause.) Our eyes met by accident. This look got into my heart and learnt all about me. And not just learnt, but it understood. (Pause.) We spent all night talking by the bar counter. It seemed that the world had stopped around us. All lost its sense. Only you and I were there. We told each other different words, but the bottom line remained between words. (Pause.) The darkness broke away. We were afraid to say good bye. We were afraid to lose each other. (Pause.)
HE.
He’s waiting, and I’m holding you back.
SHE.
That person is a WOMEN.
HE (abruptly).
Oh, don’t drive me crazy!
SHE.
It doesn’t threaten you anymore.
HE.
I’m afraid I’ve undergone all the examinations, and I was declared sane.
SHE.
All this fuss is just to cover surgeries.
HE.
So what’s between you and her?..
SHE (meaningfully).
Yes.
HE.
And how you, girls, do it, you know?
SHE enthusiastically shakes her head.
SHE.
Yes.
HE.
Unbelievable!
SHE.
Do you wanna watch?
HE.
Beautiful?
SHE (squeamishly).
Wolf!
HE.
Hopefully, it’s not for long.
SHE looks at him in amazement. SHE starts laughing. The laugh grows into hysteria. SHE calms down a little bit.
SHE.
I don’t know what to do.
HE.
Live, breathe, love.
(A Pause.)
SHE.
We want to have children.
HE.
Really?
SHE quietly shrugs her shoulders, allegedly: “yeah, exactly”.
HE.
It can be taken care of.
(A Pause.)
SHE.
We’re not on the same page any more. It looks like we’ll split up soon.
HE.
It’s up to you. You are now the master of our fate.
SHE.
We want OUR children. OUR. Are you gonna say it again: “do what you’ve gotta do (after a short pause.) now”. (Hardly holding back her tears.) I think that the only thing that I’ve gotta do is to make away with my life… and your life too!
HE hugs her, trying to comfort her. SHE is crying, as though trusting him.
SHE.
I’d kill the one who amputated everything off me.
HE.
Let’s stay away from violence.
SHE.
What am I supposed to tell HER?! What?
HE (in a fake business manner).
Madam, you signed a lot of documents before the operation.
SHE.
Piles of documents. Gigantic papers.
HE.
You had no will to read and go into details.
SHE.
I was exhausted.
HE.
There was one piece of paper among the piles. That is your, madam, agreement to the extraction and subsequent freeze of my semen.
Pause. SHE is shocked.
HE.
You see, how it’s sometimes good to talk to me. But one’s gotta fish for information out of you.
SHE is slowly moving to the foreground. Her eyes express hope, redemption, anticipation of happiness.
SHE (quietly).
I’ve gotta go. (Loudly addressing the audience.) I have to go. (Shouts.) I HAVE TO GO!
Tango break sounds. SHE sort of flies up over the audience. Lights fade out. Music sounds until the end of the melodic line and it stops at the loud finger snap.
Auditorium lights fade in.
End of Play
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